Before I start my list, I’d just like to write a little disclaimer of sorts: most, if not all of the choices listed in this countdown have been designed for one main purpose: sex appeal. I get that and acknowledge it, but there are ways a character can be dressed sexily and still look comfortable enough to stop a zombie outbreak or win a fighting tournament. Take Catwoman, for example, who manages to have only her face showing in her outfit but still look sexy.
Alas, here are the 5 Worst Dressed Female Video Game Characters… to date, at least.
5. Jill Valentine (Resident Evil 3)
I have a strange habit of planning my day-to-day outfits based on zombie apocalypses; I literally stop and think “Hey, if an outbreak were to occur while I am wearing this outfit, would I be comfortable enough to run around in it for the rest of my life?” Of course I want to look good as well, so as comfortable as a pair of trackies and uggies seem, I’d rather not wear that during an outbreak.
In saying that, the last thing I would want to be wearing is a short pencil skirt that seems to be made of denim and a sweater permanently tied around my waist. This outfit could possibly be the most impractical zombie killing outfit ever assembled with the only saving light being those sick brown combat boots that I admittedly want. There would be no bigger pain than running away from a pack of zombies and jumping over a fence all the while trying to protect your modesty by covering your lady bits that may or may not be exposed because you are wearing a ridiculous short pencil skirt.
Fortunately for Jill, she wisened up and wore a Catwoman-esque purple battlesuit in Resident Evil 5 with a new hairdo, no less.
4. Christie (Dead or Alive 4)
While Jill has to constantly conceal her modesty in her short skirt, she at least had underwear on underneath (or so you would assume) while Christie just decided to wear nothing underneath her open jacket. Even though Dead or Alive isn’t exactly known for its female modesty, you’d think that designing an outfit for a female game character that only had an open jacket covering her upper body would be silly, right?
Realistically, if a woman decided to wear an open jacket with no form of undergarment, one slight breeze and your chest would be revealed for everyone, so I wonder what went through the game designers mind when they thought that this was appropriate? It wouldn’t have been hard to give her a little lacy bra that would still have had the same sex-vamp effect. Either way, this questionable outfit makes Jill’s skirt-and-sweater combo look like a professional battle suit.
3. Mai Shiranui (Fatal Fury and King of Fighter series)
Video game reviewers and enthusiasts alike have noted that Fatal Fury became interesting when Mai Shiranui was included, and I agree with them on the basis that a female fighter was refreshing much like the inclusion of Chun Li in Street Fighter and Sonya Blade in Mortal Kombat. The male majority of those who sung praise for the character, however, mainly liked one thing: her (lack of) costume… and maybe the fact that her character animation included a boob jiggle.
Let’s be frank: when you have boobs that big, two thin straps of red are probably not going to keep your bosoms neatly tucked in during a fight. I would even go so far as to say that there is far more material that forms that white tail thing she has got going on than she has covering her actual body.
Not only does she have to contest with the fact that her outfit leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, but she has to lag around a white tail which could’ve been used for, I don’t know, an actual top.
2. Ivy Valentine (Soulcalibur Series)
Ivy is my first-choice character in the Soulcalibur series, what with her pirate background, icy demeanour and wicked “snake sword” which is basically a sword and a whip at the same time. What I wasn’t too fond of about the character was the fact that her outfit is just a bunch of purple straps criss crossing all over the place so that all her bits are “technically” covered.
What I find even funnier about this choice outfit is the fact that her accessories cover more than her actual outfit: it’s as if the designers were like “Hey, let’s balance out this skanky outfit by making her wear thigh-high boots and a big metal arm so there’s not too much going on there”. Surely if someone has time time to put on those mega boots and a metal arm, they’d have time to put on a decent top as opposed to a piece of purple dental floss that is only barely covering the nipples.
1. Mileena (Mortal Kombat 9)
The deadly Kitana-clone Mileena hasn’t exactly been known for her modest outfits but at least her previous choices have had some sort of practicality to them. I wouldn’t even classify this as an outfit or a costume or anything to do with clothing because this is, plain and simple, bandages strategically placed so that nothing is technically showing.
The Challenge Tower in Mortal Kombat 9 is an interesting feature that brings you challenge after challenge after challenge. What do you win when you complete the Challenge Tower? Mileena in bandages!
I can’t even begin to explain what is wrong with this. It just isn’t scientifically impossible for bandages to stay that still in battle let alone if you’re falling through the floor just to appear in the sky to kick the other person in the head. There is absolutely no practicality in this “design” so it’s anvil-sky obvious why this “design” was created in the first place.
Maybe these designers need to take a page out of (my personal favourite) Miss Harley Quinn’s book, who not only manages to look sexy and have a completely unique look but also manages to be practical in the sense that running around with only a strap holding you in is probably not the wisest idea. This representation of females in video games, especially those of the action variety, will probably never cease, but they could at least come up with better ideas for costumes because this is just atrocious.
- by Noah La’ulu