Top 10 Badass Who Villains

Let’s face it; Doctor Who has the most badass villains ever! But who’s the most badassest of them all? Solstice Satisfaction takes a look at the worst of them.

All images from various Doctor Who sources, including The Doctor Who Site.

10. Sontarans

The frightening soldier-like race only made less scary by the fact that they look like potatos with bodies, the Sontarans are quite fond of killing and think of it as a type of leisure, so that alone should make even the mightiest Time Lord or human companion wary of these potatos-in-blue-suits.

9. Autons

If you work in retail, I feel bad for you son, I’ve got 99 problems, but a store mannequin turning into a killing Auton ain’t one. These “plastic people” are controlled by the Nestene Consciousness and shoot these really nifty lasers out of their plastic hands. They’re also frightening because people are used to store mannequins and will let their guard down. But you shouldn’t. Rose Tyler isn’t in this dimension to save you.

8. Vashta Nerada

“Hey! Who turned out the lights?” If this sentence resonates with you as a Whovian, then you’ll know why the Vashta Nerada are so frightening. I could only describe the Vashta Nerada as a type of darkness that kills you and takes control of your physical body while replaying the last thing you ever said constantly. If you were in a River Song spacesuit. If you were just wearing trackies and a sweater… I’d say it’d be much worse.

7. The Beast

The Beast is commonly referred to as the Devil. Or Satan. Or Lucifer. Whatever you’d like to call it. Either way, he is just as scary as every demonic version of him suggests, although I’m pretty sure he’s like 50 feet tall and lives in the fiery depths of hell. Or whatever your version of hell is.

6. Empty Child/Children

If there is one seemingly innocent line that can freak out a Whovian, it’s this: “Are you my mummy?” What turned one child with a gas mask on into an entire colony of people wearing gas masks all saying “Are you my mummy?” became one of the most frightening things of the entire Doctor Who universe, or Whoniverse. Let’s just say I can’t look at gas masks the same way.

5. Silence

How are you supposed to take the fight to a creature that you can’t even remember? The Silence, who look like regular stereotypical aliens sometimes dressed in dapper suits, are actually deadly in the fact that as soon as you look away from them, you can’t even remember them. Just make sure you carry a marker around with you to let your body know how many times you’ve actually seen them.

4. Weeping Angels

If there is one thing worse than forgetting a creature, it’s not looking away from it. The Weeping Angels feed off time energy and are the reason why Amy and Rory had to separate from Eleven. Their shtick is simple: they are angel statues when you look at them. You blink, and they’re all of a sudden right in your face. Don’t take your eye off them, because the moment they touch you, you’ve gone back way in time and have to live a life in an era you don’t know.

3. The Master

The one Time Lord who is capable of giving the Doctor the heebie jeebies is The Master. His friend. His rival. His nemesis. Only made less frightening by his unpredictable behaviour, the Master doesn’t have the same kindness to humans as the Doctor does. Although, we can take comfort in that Martha Jones once stopped him from taking over the world.

2. Cybermen

“Deleeeete!” If you hear this, you should either duck or roll to the side. Or ultimately give up and surrender. Because that is the word a Cyberman will shout before he shoots you and kills you, just like that. Cybermen were once humans who were convered into this robotic killing machines and are completely devoid of human emotions or feelings. What is worse than having no feelings!

1. Daleks

What looks like a rolling machine with a rod sticking out of its head to a non Whovian is actually the most deadly Who villain of them all. The Daleks, the rivals of the Time Lords. The rivalry led to the Time War which left the Doctor wandering the world by himself as the only Time Lord left in existence. Of course, if you need a hand defeating the Daleks, the Doctor has several companions who have been known to EXTERMINAAAATE them. Here’s looking at you, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler.

Be glad that all these creatures aren’t real.

Or are they?

Don’t blink!

– by Noah La’ulu

Doctor Who from an Emotionally-Charged Whovian’s Perspective

Because I may or may not have a love affair with the Doctor.

I am an emotional person. There is no way I can deny that. I often think with my heart instead of my head and those decisions often lead to extraordinary consequences, whether that be good or bad. When I watch a TV series, I don’t just “watch” it, I get emotionally invested into the show and its characters. Doctor Who is no different; in fact, I’d go as far to say that I’ve never been so emotionally invested in a TV series as much as I have with Doctor Who.

That crazy brilliant man his blue box. (SOURCE: Rooners Toy Photography Flickr photostream)

That crazy brilliant man his blue box. (SOURCE: Rooners Toy Photography Flickr photostream)

My background with Doctor Who is different to most: I didn’t become a fully fledged Whovian until recent. Previously, I watched the “New Who” sporadically with my father; if it was on, we’d watch it. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t go out of our way to get it. I knew that David Tennant was the Doctor and he had a beautiful companion named Martha Jones… who all of a sudden was replaced by Donna Noble. I knew Billie Piper was in the series but didn’t know her character’s name. After a little persuasion, I decided to re-watch “New Who” from season one episode one to get re-familiarised with the show that has captivated so many people. And now, I’m hooked for life.

I’ve always had difficulty verbally explaining to my friends just how strongly I feel for this TV series, so as a writer, I thought it’d be better to communicate through the written word. I laugh and I smile and I cry and I cower when I watch Doctor Who; the show is just capable of bringing so many emotions out of Whovians, and I think I’m the worst when it comes to it.

Take regenerations, for example: without fail, I have cried during every regeneration. Why? Because you put so much time and love into getting familiar with this incarnation of the Doctor but at the back of your mind you just know he will leave you when the going gets bad. You’ve become so attached to this incarnation of the Doctor that when he regenerates, it’s just like he’s leaving you and comes back with a new face and personality that you have to adapt to whether you like it or not. Quite literally, it’s a heartbreaking experience… and I’m aware that I may sound a bit insane right now but bear with me. I always feel rather indifferent and quite cold towards the newly regenerated Doctor, and it just takes time for me to warm up to him. Until the cycle starts again. Compare this to having a pet dog who all of a sudden is taken from you and is replaced by another breed of dog that you have to keep regardless. That’s how I feel when it comes to regeneration.

I laugh every time Amy Pond says something in her ridiculously adorable Scottish accent. I cried when Rose Tyler is revealed as the Bad Wolf and mutters “my Doctor”. I felt warm inside when the Doctor referred to Donna Noble as his “best friend”. I marked out when all of the Tenth Doctor’s companions reunited to save the world. Don’t even get me started on the Father’s Day episode.

Doctor Who is more than just a sci-fi show with an unnamed man of many faces who prefers the company of young, beautiful and otherwise “ordinary” women. It’s a show that explores every human feeling possible: it can make you laugh, it can make you cry, it can make you angry, it can even make you hide behind your chair. It’s a show that appeals to all, young and old, nerdy and non-nerdy, male and female. It tackles real life problems while having that special Doctor Who sass to it: unrequited love, heartbreak, loss of a loved one… all real issues that we as humans face every day.

Numbers are just numbers to most people, but the numbers 1-12 represent so much more to us. Five represents a kind and gentle soul with an unusual taste for jacket accessory. Nine represents a cool and collected sass. Eleven represents bow ties and fezzes.

If I’ve kept your attention for this long, I do suggest that you give the show a go if you haven’t already. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when your heart shatters in almost every episode of this worldwide phenomenon.

– by Noah La’ulu

5 TV Characters I Love to Hate

TV sitcoms provide us with great memories, hearty laughs and loveable characters; Friends gave us Phoebe and The Simpsons gave us pretty much everyone on the show.

Of course, however, not every show is perfect.

There are some characters on TV shows that I absolutely cannot stand, whether that be because they are that villainous that you can’t help but hate them, or the fact that they are so irritating and are blissfully unaware of their annoying behaviour. Well, now I am going to charge them for their crimes.

5. Sara Lance AKA The Canary (Arrow)

Crimes include: Having a mouth that doesn’t move when speaking, questionable acting skills, a cry so painful that it wakes up the dead… and we’re not talking about the canary cry either.

That first one isn’t a joke either. Watch this scene here and tell me you don’t think her mouth acts in mysterious ways when talking. I’m sure you will also notice that she is as believable as an actress as I am a Golden Globe statue. Also, I’d like to point out that I am quite the comic buff and would like to know this: why is Sara Lance the Black Canary and NOT Laurel Lance as per canon? Why? Why? Why? I was so looking forward to Laurel popping up out of nowhere and saying “Hey Olly, look who’s come to help you.” Thanks for ruining my hopes and dreams, Sara.

4. Katherine Mayfair (Desperate Housewives)
Crimes include: Being a lesbian but not being a lesbian at the same time, stealing Mike from Susan, being an all-around whackjob.

If the phrase “sort your life out” has ever applied to someone so much, it would be Miss Mayfair here. Even though by the end of the show she technically did “sort her life out”, all throughout her tenure in Wisteria Lane, her presence was creepy and unwanted. Katherine was a nutjob: a solid 10 nutjob… and what about how she was sleeping with Julie Benz’s character but kept defending her sexuality by saying “I’m not a lesbian.” That’s like eating a whole jar of cookies and saying I haven’t eaten anything today – the evidence is all over your mouth! (Slightly adult joke)

3. Billie Jenkins (Charmed)
Crimes include: Being a shitty ass replacement for Prue, ruining the last episode of the show by fake crying, taking valuable Leo time away from us.

Billie reared her pretty blonde head on the eighth and final season of Charmed and was meant to be a young, vibrant apprentice-of-sorts to the Halliwell sisters. Being a good-hearted protagonist meant that we were supposed to love her, right? Wrong. I did nothing of the sort. Billie was irritating, plain and simple. Her storylines always felt forced, as forced as her acting. For whatever reasons, the producers felt it a good idea to semi-replace Leo with Billie as the fourth main character. That was probably the worst mistake they could have ever made. Thank you for ruining my most favourite show ever, Billie.

2. Carrie Bradshaw (the Sex and the City version, not the Carrie Diaries version, although I’m sure they’re both equally as annoying)
Crimes include: Being a selfish mutt, making us sit through all her complaining and whining, cheating on Mr. Big.

I absolutely love Sex and the City – it is probably one of my most favourite shows. It’s definitely up there. What I don’t like about the show at all is the main character, coincidentally enough. I found Carrie to be completely self-centered, obnoxious and annoying to the point that I would zone out whenever her voiceover would come on, talking about how damn fabulous she is. I can’t forget the time when poor Charlotte was trying to talk about her feelings and then Carrie completely cut her off. No one in their right mind likes Carrie more than Charlotte, let’s be honest.

1. The Governor (Walking Dead)
Crimes include: Everything he has ever done on the show. Ever.

Janis Ian may think that evil takes a human form in Regina George, but I disagree. Evil takes a human form in the Governor. Cold, ruthless, malicious… the Governor is everything a villain is and should be. He is the cause of many deaths of beloved characters in the Walking Dead series – Andrea being my main one – and, let’s not beat around the bush, he is a massive wanker. There is no other way to put it. In saying that, I must commend David Morrissey on the tremendous job he has done in portraying him.

After writing about these hated characters, I need to reinvigorate myself with a nice old episode of The Simpsons.

– by Noah La’ulu

Genuinely Good Children’s Television (Non-Cartoon Category)

It’s harsh truth time: we all have to admit to ourselves that not every show we watched as children were masterpieces; in fact, under the age of about eight we would watch any piece of fluoro-coloured crap that danced around on a screen in front of us. I was faced with this brutal reality after re-watching the first Power Rangers film, something I remember watching a bajillion times with my cousins and loving it. No surprise, it was a poo-poo platter of badness, and it made me feel sad for my tiny toddler brain.

Some shows and films should be left alone to stay a foggy but delightful memory of our childhoods, but I believe that a handful of shows we did watch aren’t just good for nostalgias sake, but good for their overall brilliance as television shows.

So here’s a short list of shows you should definitely not regret watching, and which I would recommend watching even now…

Round the Twist (1989-2001)

This show was some sort of beautiful gift, from our childhood lord and saviour Paul Jennings, a genius with kid’s stories. His writing translated well onto the screen, producing tales of suspense, mystery, and utter craziness without scaring its young audience. But what I loved most was the true blue Aussie-ness of it all, from the accents and lingo down to the rugged beachside landscapes – something that stuck out in front of the other American programming during that time. And I’m gonna go ahead and give it extra points for a hella-catchy theme song.

Art Attack (1990-2007)

Art Attack was a seamless integration of entertainment, education and creativity. There were so many things to love about it: Neil’s art space filled with over-sized paintbrushes, the funny ‘Head’ character with his silly accent, and of course the art itself was incredibly absorbing. The big birds-eye pictures Neil made out of different objects baffles me even now, and coupled with the really rad 90’s music it made it even more exciting. With this show both adults and children were entertained – and not solely for the allocated twenty minutes. I can’t even imagine the kind of devil child who wouldn’t want to ‘try it at home’ after watching this show, so the amusement dragged on way beyond the show itself. But apart from all that, Neil was a great host, and definitely deserves a round of applause – Because he wasn’t just a man who loved PVA glue, but one who loved to teach.

Tidbit: Neil went on to perform lead guitar in a British heavy metal band called Marseille.

Goosebumps (1995-1998)

I feel like this show doesn’t even need a write-up. It was scary, very scary, so scary I still have nightmares marked with big, green, gooey G’s. What Goosebumps did was get their already horrifying stories, make them come to life on a screen and provide it to children who otherwise would not be allowed to watch horror films – which I think is a great thing. Everybody likes a good scare, especially children, and I for one don’t think they get scared enough. Shows like this serve as an avenue for a love of the horror genre and a transition into reading – But most of all it had living dummies and phantoms and monster blood that were poop-your-pants frightening, but at the same time harmless fun. It does warn you beforehand: “Viewer, beware, you’re in for a scare!”

Tidbit: Ryan Gosling starred in the episode Say Cheese and Die.

The Muppet Show (1976-1981)

There’s just something about frantically shaking a frog puppet thats hilarious, and muppets had that down-pact. I always thought of this show as a children’s style SNL, or maybe a muppets style SNL? I’m actually still pretty confused about this show, because I could never tell if it was made primarily for adults or children, but either way I enjoyed watching it. When I talk to other people my age about it they show a certain disinterest, which I totally understand. It wouldn’t be the first pick on a rainy sunday afternoon, but solely based on its simple slapstick humour, cute and creepily-made hand puppets, and pun humour, I think Jim Henson did a damn fine job.

The Amanda Show (1999-2002)

This was never one of my favourites, but when it was on and nothing else was I watched it anyway. But watching a few episodes now I’ve realised that ten year old me was an idiot – It is so fucking funny. Sure there are some regular segments that fall flat, but most of it was outrageously hilarious, and it poked fun at adults and teenagers alike. I think people tend to forget pre-drugs Amanda Bynes, which is a damn shame, because she had the acting abilities, facial expressions and accents of a great comedy actor.

 – by Josefina Huq