You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Seek and you MAY find

We’ve all been there or know someone who has… the job hunt!

It’s 8:30pm on a Friday night and while your friends are all getting ready, painting on their faces and slipping on some heels, you’re at home hitting up seek.com.au.

You’re sitting there smacking your keyboard and mouse in frustration, scrolling through the thousands of jobs they have listed there and hoping something stands out… and then from nowhere you come across your perfect job. Smiling and clicking the link to read more about the position on offer, you can’t help but think “Oh yeah, looks like I’m going out partying after all”.

If this shot is your regular friend, you will understand the pain. (SOURCE: Screenshot from Seek website)

If this shot is your regular friend, you will understand the pain. (SOURCE: Screenshot from Seek website)

You start reading through the job, matching your skill sets to the desired attributes of the employer and of course your skills match. You’re capable of doing everything on their list, you have your own license and you’re well groomed. You’ve got this one in the bag! You attach your resume to the advertisement and email off your CV, closing the browser contented by the fact you’ll be starting a new job in a couple of days. There’s no way in the world that you haven’t got this.

The weekend passes, Monday comes and goes, Tuesday flies by and before you know it you’re staring Wednesday in the face wondering where in the world your phone call for an interview is. Surely it doesn’t take that long to read someone’s resume and find them perfect for the job. You sit down at the computer, open up your email and surprisingly you have an email reply regarding your application. You click on the email, your heart racing a million miles an hour and you read the top line (the only line);

Thank you for your application. Unfortunately you do not have the experience required for this position.

Like hell you don’t! Pulling out your resume once again, you run your index finger down your resume, silently cross checking your listed skills with the requirements for this position… got them all. As you sit there puzzled, scratching your head you think “Oh… I’m applying for an Executive Assistant job, but I’ve only ever worked Reception. My bad.” Oddly enough however, the tasks you completed on a Reception desk are pretty much identical to the ones you’d complete as an EA, but how could you be so silly. No one is going to hire you if you’ve never once held the title they’re advertising for. You’re completely capable and you know you’d be great at the job, but unfortunately you cannot show the employer experience within the position. Sorry about that champ!

Following this is the frustration. How the hell can you ever climb a career ladder if no one is willing to give you a chance? Everyone’s all about the “Experience essential” component of a job application, but who out there is ever going to give you a crack at that position? You can’t exactly gain experience in something if no one is ever willing to give you the experience.

Who are employers these days actually kidding? The employment rate in Australia is at it’s highest in a decade, but hey, let’s be picky about who we’re going to hire. What ever happened to taking a chance on someone? Putting them through a gauntlet of difficult work place tasks to see if they’ve got the backbone to work the position on offer. Take my grandfather for example; runs his own business, needs bodies on a regular and rather than turning people away who don’t fit his criteria, he’ll have them mop the floors, clean the toilets and make coffees. Sure you might feel inadequate for a day or two, but when he’s done with you, you’ll have full time employment.

If people are willing to push themselves to the limit in order to prove that they can do something, then why not let them? Worst case scenario is that they don’t work out and you need to advertise again, but best case, you’ve earnt yourself an employee who is willing to go to hell and back for you.

Australia, give our unemployed a good hard go. Take a chance on someone. You never know what might happen.

– by Melissa Tonitto

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: People Getting Ready on Public Transport

I hate taking public transport. It’s already bad enough that I have to deal with the system’s terrible schedule, the dirtiness of the vehicles, and the fact that carriages are never at a comfortable temperature – but God, if there’s one thing that’s worse than all of this, it’s the people who take public transport, more specifically, those commuters in the morning.

Alright, so not everyone’s a morning person – granted, it’s probably safe to say a good 80% of us just hate mornings – and being grumpy in the morning is simply an uncontrollable side effect. That’s fine. I can handle grumpiness. But what I can’t handle is the fact some people think it is in within their social right to get ready on public transport.

It is not.

This is how it SHOULD be done. (SOURCE: Reginaldo Andrade's Flickr photostream)

This is how it SHOULD be done. (SOURCE: Reginaldo Andrade’s Flickr photostream)

The train, bus, ferry, light rail, or may I dare to say, the footpath, is not the place for you to get your morning shit together. I’m sorry, but I was under the impression you shouldn’t leave the house until you were ready for the day, or was that just me? Because judging from the number of women I’ve seen putting on an entire face of make-up on public transport alone, I feel like I’ve missed the memo.

Come on, girls. Is public transport really a good place to wave your mascara wand around? I mean it’s a skill to be able to apply make up on a moving platform, I give you that, but it is not a tip endorsed by make up professionals. I believe the correct and preferred way is still on an immovable seat in front of a large mirror. Do you really want other people to know how image obsessed you are, even if you never see them again in your life? That’s no way to give off that effortless beauty look you’re going for. Plus, I would prefer if none of your powder blush landed on my jeans.

I would also prefer if I didn’t have to deal with your dripping hair on my book/newspaper/phone. Or even just watching dripping water fall from your head down your neck onto your back. It’s strangely icky. I know you’re probably clean, assuming your hair is wet because you took a shower rather than taking a quick dip in that puddle outside your house before jumping onboard public transport, but I don’t have to consciously know that you got naked in the morning and scrubbed yourself clean. Icky. And the fact is, I’m seeing more and more people who I can tell have taken showers in the morning. It’s troubling, because the question is, when will we draw the line? Because I am going to be pretty upset if people start taking showers on their morning commute, especially if you’re one of those people who takes a little wee in the shower. Really upset.

And then there’s the issue of breakfast. If you have to eat, or want to eat, I suggest getting up a little earlier because it is just rude to be having your morning meal on public transport, especially if you’re not going to offer it to the person next to you. I am able to deal with coffee or other hot drinks, but not your toast or boiled eggs (oh yes, I’ve seen someone peel eggs on the train). Not only is there a problem of the smell of hot food, which lingers after you’ve long finished it or long gone by the way, there’s also the issue of you sitting on the aisle eating your food and the problem of me having to get over you to get off at my stop. It’s an awkward moment that simply shouldn’t exist, and wouldn’t if you would have have your damn breakfast at home like a normal person.

It’s not a lot to ask, but it would be a whole lot easier if you could actually be ready when you’re ‘ready’ to leave the house. But it seems everyone is getting ready on their morning commute in one way or another. No one is ever ready anymore. Have I been handling myself in public wrong all these years? Should I cut my morning routine by half, so that you can share the remainder with me as I struggle to pick my outfit on a moving vehicle on the train to work/uni/out for that day? Please tell me. I don’t want to look like a put-together morning idiot.

– by Nicole Lam

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Facebook Laundromats

You know what really shits me?

Today’s topic: Facebook laundromats… in other words, people who constantly put their dirty laundry on Facebook.

When Facebook politely asks you in that little clever box at the top of your newsfeed “What’s on your mind?”, they don’t really want to know what’s on your mind. It is not an invitation to delve deep into your inner psyche and let it all out for the whole world and their pets to find out.

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She's reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon's Flickr photostream)

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She’s reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon’s Flickr photostream)

Some people have trouble differentiating between what is appropriate to post on Facebook and what isn’t appropriate… and uploading a status talking about how your boyfriend left you and you wish nothing but death upon him is actually very inappropriate. But who cares? Whatever works, right?

WRONG.

What you are doing is creating unnecessary drama by putting your personal problems out there for everyone to see. What you are doing is giving people more ammunition to use against you in case the opportunity ever arise. What you are doing is making a complete fool of yourself by turning to social media for sympathy when your best friend is just a simple phone call away.

My philosophy on this is simple: if you are my friend, I care about you. If you have a problem, I will do my best to help you with your problem. If you post this problem on Facebook and expect sympathy from me, stop wasting your time because zero fucks are given about your issue when you’re waving it around on social media.

You know the saying (however it goes)… “people don’t care about your problems, they just want to know what’s going on.” It applies to this very case. What you may think is a very cryptic status could very well paint a larger picture than you intended. “Feels alone :(” could easily translate into “My girlfriend won’t spend time with me because I’m an arsehole and now I regret it.” Your attempt at being incognito failed. Maybe you would have been better off not saying anything at all, huh?

What shits me even more is when these people who air their dirty laundry for the world to see are confused as to why people think it’s okay to involve themselves into their drama. I don’t know, whose fault is it – the idiot who made it publicly viewable for everyone to see and therefore have an opinion on, or Barney the dinosaurs? Definitely not Barney. If you don’t want people to involve themselves in your personal drama, DON’T INVOLVE THEM BY PUTTING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It’s really quite simple, actually.

If you have problems like I’m sure everyone does, seek out help personally. Even if we live in the digital age, driving to your mate’s place or calling your mum late at night to help you has not gone out of fashion. In fact, I’m sue you could resolve a problem easier that way than asking however many Facebook friends you have for advice because they won’t care… they’ll just want to know what’s going on.

So, everyone on Facebook, I have five words for you that should have a long-lasting effect on you: think about what you post.

– by Noah La’ulu

Sharing Is Caring

…Except when it’s really, really annoying.

The internet has made everything seem trivial. Our entire lives can be shared and updated in seconds and can be edited or deleted at will. Waiting to share life-changing news with someone face-to-face was once an exciting event but ‘ZOMG! Just got engaged! ILY 4EVA’ has a delightful immediacy to it. The major drawback here is that instead of cracking open a bottle of champagne and celebrating with you, your five billion Facebook friends just click ‘like’ and keep scrolling down to the pictures of cats in tights.

In short, through the constant barrage of status updates, tweets, Tumblr posts about every mundane thing in life has led everyone you know to make the same conclusion; we’re just not that into you.

We’re not into Candy Crush, or Farmville or any of the other stupid games you want us to play and we’re not into the stupid events you keep inviting us to. Sorry to say it, but The Battle For Middle Earth is never going to happen.

We’re also really, really, absolutely not at all even remotely interested in cats as you are. Please for the love of God don’t share every single misspelled picture of cats who desperately want a ‘cheezbergr’ that finds its way into your newsfeed.

33743396

The only cat in the world I don’t hate.

As a general rule, people who are truly your friends think you’re pretty great. Instead of hounding them with undeniable proof that you’re actually far from it, you’re better off being more selective about the things you say and share and making sure your social media accounts reflect the best of you.

Great things only become great because someone took time to think, plan and care about them enough to perfect it before unleashing them on the public. It took Homer years to write The Iliad while he could have been out playing golf or something with his mates, but it was worth the effort considering we still read and discuss it 2000 years later. If Homer had merely logged onto Facebook and written ‘Imagine if Achilles killed Hector!? How pissed off would Patroclus be? LOL’ we probably would have scrolled right past it.

Granted, it only took two days for Martin Luther King Jr to write Normalcy- Never Again (more commonly known as the ‘I have a dream speech’) and change the lives of millions of people, but you sharing an anonymous quote about the power of sunshine isn’t really helping anyone. Especially considering it’s the 8000th quote you’ve shared that day. King’s speech was so powerful because the likes of it had never been heard before and have rarely been heard since. Quotes on social media are very much an example of the ‘less is more’ rule.

I can almost -almost- stomach the mindless sharing of every meal you’ve ever eaten in your life. It means you’re not one of the people who shares those “challenges to repost” images. You know the ones-the pictures about how your mum/dad/brother/sister/best friend’s flatmate’s sister is the best or, call me callous, the ‘how many likes for this kid’ putting flowers on a grave or amputee athletes etc.  I care about these people as much as anyone can care for a complete stranger but I detest the ‘let’s see who likes this’ caption, glaring at me like some kind of gauntlet being thrown down by the karma gods. Well F**k you, I’m not playing your game. I’m not reposting your chain letter. If I am cursed with bad luck for seven years or wake up dead tomorrow then so be it; I can’t say I wasn’t warned. But using pictures of sick kids and intimate family moments of people you’ve never met to get likes is far more despicable than me choosing not to join in.

I know for a fact that I’m guilty of almost everything I complain about, but I’m a pretty firm believer in the old “Do as I say, not as I do” thing. My friends already know I’m annoying, so I’m not too concerned about being blocked from their newsfeeds, but the rest of you have time to prove that you are wise and wonderful social media users whose every word is as powerful as Homer’s.

– by Blaire Gillies