You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Seek and you MAY find

We’ve all been there or know someone who has… the job hunt!

It’s 8:30pm on a Friday night and while your friends are all getting ready, painting on their faces and slipping on some heels, you’re at home hitting up seek.com.au.

You’re sitting there smacking your keyboard and mouse in frustration, scrolling through the thousands of jobs they have listed there and hoping something stands out… and then from nowhere you come across your perfect job. Smiling and clicking the link to read more about the position on offer, you can’t help but think “Oh yeah, looks like I’m going out partying after all”.

If this shot is your regular friend, you will understand the pain. (SOURCE: Screenshot from Seek website)

If this shot is your regular friend, you will understand the pain. (SOURCE: Screenshot from Seek website)

You start reading through the job, matching your skill sets to the desired attributes of the employer and of course your skills match. You’re capable of doing everything on their list, you have your own license and you’re well groomed. You’ve got this one in the bag! You attach your resume to the advertisement and email off your CV, closing the browser contented by the fact you’ll be starting a new job in a couple of days. There’s no way in the world that you haven’t got this.

The weekend passes, Monday comes and goes, Tuesday flies by and before you know it you’re staring Wednesday in the face wondering where in the world your phone call for an interview is. Surely it doesn’t take that long to read someone’s resume and find them perfect for the job. You sit down at the computer, open up your email and surprisingly you have an email reply regarding your application. You click on the email, your heart racing a million miles an hour and you read the top line (the only line);

Thank you for your application. Unfortunately you do not have the experience required for this position.

Like hell you don’t! Pulling out your resume once again, you run your index finger down your resume, silently cross checking your listed skills with the requirements for this position… got them all. As you sit there puzzled, scratching your head you think “Oh… I’m applying for an Executive Assistant job, but I’ve only ever worked Reception. My bad.” Oddly enough however, the tasks you completed on a Reception desk are pretty much identical to the ones you’d complete as an EA, but how could you be so silly. No one is going to hire you if you’ve never once held the title they’re advertising for. You’re completely capable and you know you’d be great at the job, but unfortunately you cannot show the employer experience within the position. Sorry about that champ!

Following this is the frustration. How the hell can you ever climb a career ladder if no one is willing to give you a chance? Everyone’s all about the “Experience essential” component of a job application, but who out there is ever going to give you a crack at that position? You can’t exactly gain experience in something if no one is ever willing to give you the experience.

Who are employers these days actually kidding? The employment rate in Australia is at it’s highest in a decade, but hey, let’s be picky about who we’re going to hire. What ever happened to taking a chance on someone? Putting them through a gauntlet of difficult work place tasks to see if they’ve got the backbone to work the position on offer. Take my grandfather for example; runs his own business, needs bodies on a regular and rather than turning people away who don’t fit his criteria, he’ll have them mop the floors, clean the toilets and make coffees. Sure you might feel inadequate for a day or two, but when he’s done with you, you’ll have full time employment.

If people are willing to push themselves to the limit in order to prove that they can do something, then why not let them? Worst case scenario is that they don’t work out and you need to advertise again, but best case, you’ve earnt yourself an employee who is willing to go to hell and back for you.

Australia, give our unemployed a good hard go. Take a chance on someone. You never know what might happen.

– by Melissa Tonitto

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Not Everything is “Glamorising”

This will all make sense by the end of this article.

It seems that nowadays one can’t do anything in the spotlight without someone having something negative to say about it. Kim Kardashian, for example – as much as I personally dislike her – cannot blink without someone attacking her on social media, calling her a range of insults from “fat” to “blimp-like hussy”. The unfortunate truth for a celebrity is that while they are relevant, they will always be attacked no matter what.

More recently, however, it seems that there are more and more complaints coming from individuals that seem to have absolutely no social or work life at all. These are the ones that criticise any movie, TV show, book or any other creative work for “glamorising” a bad issue.

Glamorising DVD covers since 2003. (SOURCE: Anna's Flickr photostream)

Glamorising DVD covers since 2003. (SOURCE: Anna’s Flickr photostream)

One of my recent favourite TV shows (that was criminally cut short) is Secret Diary of a Call Girl, featuring Billie Piper *COUGH* Rose Tyler *COUGH* as the main character, Hannah Baxter/Belle du Jour as an escort. It features her daily and nightly shenanigans as Hannah by day and Belle by night. Regardless, it is one hell of an entertaining show and one which I successfully referred to a friend who also loved the series.

What did the critics have to say about this? “Glamorising being a prostitute”.

Um. No.

Actually it is just showing the life of an escort in a witty and entertaining way… based on the real life of a real escort who kept her identity hidden from the world for so long probably for this very reason. A feminist who wrote for the Daily Mail stated that she couldn’t imagine that any escort would enter the profession out of free choice. Well, actually, I can; people were born and raised differently and are therefore very different from one another. While one enjoys having sex and getting paid for it, the other is equally content saving herself until marriage. And there is nothing wrong with either of them. Hello, if you wanted an example of “people being very different from one another”, just watch the show and you will see that some people even enjoy roleplaying as babies while someone else takes care of them as their parent/guardian.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl isn’t the only show to face this pointless, unnecessary fire from bored critics.

Breaking Bad? Glamorising meth.

Dexter? Glamorising serial killing.

Prisonbreak? Glamorising committing a crime and then breaking out of jail.

Fifty Shades of Grey? Glamorising rough S&M.

Stan by Eminem? Glamorising being a psycho-stalker fan and committing suicide.

A friend of mine, who was a big follower of the Breaking Bad TV series, clearly stated that if you properly watched the show, it would turn you off from doing meth. Oh really? And if not made apparent by the highly anti-climatic ending of Dexter, the show did not glamorise serial killing one bit. Just look at how royally fucked his life was because of his choice in alternative hobby.

To those people who think that every creative work has some ulterior motive to ruin today’s generation: buy some Kleenex or build a bridge.

Hell, you might as well say that Doctor Who is glamorising picking up your whole life and leaving with a mad man and his blue box, or that Pokemon is glamorising leaving your family at a young age to explore the world with creatures that speak their name.

This whole pointless glamorising has gotten on my last nerve.

My advice? Watch that TV series and enjoy it. Sit through that movie and enjoy it. Read that book and enjoy it. Listen to that album and enjoy it. But leave it at that. The artists in the world who put their blood, sweat and tears in these works are wasting their time if people are just going to complain and create problems that aren’t even there.

There. I said it.

– by Noah La’ulu

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Facebook Laundromats

You know what really shits me?

Today’s topic: Facebook laundromats… in other words, people who constantly put their dirty laundry on Facebook.

When Facebook politely asks you in that little clever box at the top of your newsfeed “What’s on your mind?”, they don’t really want to know what’s on your mind. It is not an invitation to delve deep into your inner psyche and let it all out for the whole world and their pets to find out.

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She's reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon's Flickr photostream)

No one cares about your dirty laundry. Not this chick. She’s reading a book. (SOURCE: Gideon’s Flickr photostream)

Some people have trouble differentiating between what is appropriate to post on Facebook and what isn’t appropriate… and uploading a status talking about how your boyfriend left you and you wish nothing but death upon him is actually very inappropriate. But who cares? Whatever works, right?

WRONG.

What you are doing is creating unnecessary drama by putting your personal problems out there for everyone to see. What you are doing is giving people more ammunition to use against you in case the opportunity ever arise. What you are doing is making a complete fool of yourself by turning to social media for sympathy when your best friend is just a simple phone call away.

My philosophy on this is simple: if you are my friend, I care about you. If you have a problem, I will do my best to help you with your problem. If you post this problem on Facebook and expect sympathy from me, stop wasting your time because zero fucks are given about your issue when you’re waving it around on social media.

You know the saying (however it goes)… “people don’t care about your problems, they just want to know what’s going on.” It applies to this very case. What you may think is a very cryptic status could very well paint a larger picture than you intended. “Feels alone :(” could easily translate into “My girlfriend won’t spend time with me because I’m an arsehole and now I regret it.” Your attempt at being incognito failed. Maybe you would have been better off not saying anything at all, huh?

What shits me even more is when these people who air their dirty laundry for the world to see are confused as to why people think it’s okay to involve themselves into their drama. I don’t know, whose fault is it – the idiot who made it publicly viewable for everyone to see and therefore have an opinion on, or Barney the dinosaurs? Definitely not Barney. If you don’t want people to involve themselves in your personal drama, DON’T INVOLVE THEM BY PUTTING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It’s really quite simple, actually.

If you have problems like I’m sure everyone does, seek out help personally. Even if we live in the digital age, driving to your mate’s place or calling your mum late at night to help you has not gone out of fashion. In fact, I’m sue you could resolve a problem easier that way than asking however many Facebook friends you have for advice because they won’t care… they’ll just want to know what’s going on.

So, everyone on Facebook, I have five words for you that should have a long-lasting effect on you: think about what you post.

– by Noah La’ulu

You Know What Sh!ts Me?: Public transport and its morons

Introducing a new segment to Solstice Satisfaction that I’m sure a lot of you out there can relate to – You Know What Sh!ts Me? Basically, an opinion on what really grinds my gears… what really irritates me… what really gets my blood pumping, and not in the good way either. These opinions may be contentious and/or very strongly expressed and I encourage the disclaimer that this is my opinion and you are free to oppose it in the comments or an angry e-mail.

Today’s topic: the morons who use public transport.

Think twice before you hop on one of these.

Think twice before you hop on one of these. (SOURCE: Mark Hillary’s Flickr photostream)

There are several types of morons who catch public transport, and I’m going to identify every single one of them. Please, if you are one of these morons, sort yourself out for the rest of us. Please.

Moron #1: Hot Seat Moron
These are the ones who change seats on the bus or train like it’s going out of fashion. I was sitting at the back one day and I watched this woman walk onto the bus and sit down. She didn’t seem satisfied, however, as she got up and moved to another seat two back. Nope. Still not satisfied. She got up again and moved to the other side of the bus. Umm… what? I literally didn’t see the point in that. Unless there was some invisible man threatening her that I didn’t see, I honestly don’t understand the logic behind that. This moron is also the moron that reluctantly takes a seat next to someone on the bus/train and then gets up and moves as soon as a seat is free. Like, what is the point? You’re not going to catch anything by sitting next to a stranger. I find this as rude as it is unnecessary. I see this happen way more than it should.

Moron #2: Bags-don’t-have-arses Moron
Yeah. These ones are the ones who put their bags onto the seat next to them and don’t even think to move them when people are filing onto the mode of transport. They will only VERY RELUCTANTLY move their belongings when someone politely asks if they may sit there. I’d hate to break it to you, but your bag or laptop case or cake tin actually doesn’t have an arse and therefore doesn’t really need to have a seat. That struggling woman with four bags slung over her shoulder probably does. Common sense people. We were all born with it, so use it.

Moron #3: Complaining Moron
How often do we see on social media people complaining about the public transport system? “Bus was two minutes late… FML”. “Bus driver charged me 10cents more than what he should have. #gokillyourself”. Like seriously, go plant a tree or something. There are bigger problems than public transport not going out of its way to accommodate one person. Your train is delayed? Big whoop. Would you rather walk the 20+km to work? I didn’t think so. The bus driver charged you adult fare even though you have a concession card that you left at home? Not his bloody fault you’re forgetful. The main point I’m trying to get across is this: these people are getting paid to do the public a great deal of service, and they have to put up with ignorant morons like this all day every day. They are getting you from A to B for a very cheap rate. I don’t know about you but I personally would rather deal with minor unpleasantries than walk to and back from Surry Hills twice a day, three days a week.

Moron #4: Un-chivalrous Moron
I have this unspoken rule I keep to myself when it comes to public transport. If a woman comes onto the bus/train and there are free seats, I will keep my seat. Even if she chooses to stand up for some odd reason because she doesn’t want to take that free seat, I will remain seated. It’s not my fault she doesn’t want to sit there. However, if a woman comes onto the bus/train and there are no free seats, I will offer her said seat and make her take it. The same can be said for the elderly. From my recent observations, I have noticed that I am the only one who will get up and do this or, if you’re lucky, another man will do the same. Most men just sit there, playing ignorance, while struggling women are standing up. This is a deadset joke. I honestly do not care if you had a slack day at work or your tutor yelled at you, if a woman is standing up on a full bus, you offer her your damn seat. One time on a train, a pregnant woman holding her baby was standing up while a bunch of suited blokes sat down on their smartphones, and it took a brave man yelling “Is somebody going to get up for her?!” to cause some action.

Moron #5: There-is-no-room-for-you-in-the-inn Moron
Exclusive to most buses, this moron is the one who just doesn’t get the fact that the seat was made for one person. Or two really, really skinny people. The front two seats at the bus (at least the ones I catch) are narrower than the normal two seater, therefore they are really only made for one person. Sometimes I take this seat so I can have a nap on the bus and know I won’t awkwardly elbow someone next to me. Sometimes when I wake up from this nap, however, there is someone trying to sit on the half-a-centimetre space left of the seat, and they are awkwardly shuffling on one foot, trying to balance their arse on the non-existent space. This may be me coming off as selfish… BUT YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US.

There. End rant. That felt good.

Please… if you are any one of these people.

Sort. Your. F#$%ing. Life. Out.

– by Noah La’ulu